For Black History Month, 2025, please do the following:

Scroll through your texts: how many people are Black?

Scroll through your preferred social media: how many people are Black?

Scroll through your preferred “news” feeds: how many reporters are Black?

Review your bank account/credit card: how many companies are Black owned/operated?

If your number is less than 20, you may be part of the problem.

“You can make more friends in two months by becoming interested in other people than you can in two years by trying to get people interested in you.” - Dale Carnegie

Timothy Snyder ain’t Black but you still need to buy his book before the anarchy gets worse: On Tyranny. Best $12 bucks you’ll spend in the next 4 years.

Black folx are fascinating!

If you know me or have read The Formulation so far, you know my feelings about violence. In case it’s not clear, I hate violence. There is nothing that can’t be solved with diplomacy and compromise; UFC should be banned. As Momma says, “keep your hands and feet to yourself” and in things you do, “be kind.”

Now with that out of the way, let me say that I have NO idea how Black folx aren’t violent terrorists hellbent on destroying this country when they have every right to be after the way they’ve been treated: enslaved, killed, gaslit, marginalized, lied to, exploited. You name it, it’s happened to them, REPEATEDLY. For the Black diaspora to be as chipper as we are…we’ll, I’m chalking it up to cultural competence in mature defense mechanisms.

So why aren’t YOU friends with more of them?

My history with white people

Unbeknownst to me at the time, Lufkin’s forced integration meant that from kindergarten to 5th grade, I was bussed clear across town to the white elementary school in the affluent area of town: Crown Colony. There, I was the fastest kid in my grade and one of the top students academically. I didn’t “see color” though most of my friends were white. I can say with certainty that those 6 years helped fundamentally shape my worldview on race and culture.

In 6th grade, the schools “redistricted” and I found myself immersed with tons of Black kids. While I was humbled athletically, I enjoyed most of the faces that looked like mine. In high school, I was “the whitest Black guy” many new (and told me). Time at Baylor, Texas A&M, and University of Kentucky reminded me just how comfortable I was living in both Black and white worlds. Throughout my career since 2011, I never really “felt” my Blackness with exception of a few concrete events. I think it helps that my family is big, diverse, and was guided by Naomie and Oscar.

While I definitely noticed my Blackness on 11/9/2016 in a distinct way (future post to follow), I think the scales fell from my eyes on 12/14/2012. Kids died. The President cried. We collectively did nothing. It made me ask: if white people aren’t willing to correct themselves to save their own kids, will Black folx ever be safe?

Seriously, go get Black friends

11/5/2024 didn’t sting as much as 2016 because Black folks are always ready to be letdown. But 2016 to today, I’ve noticed just how my white the networks of my white friends have gotten. Their families, their churches, their contacts, their businesses. It’s funny because I don’t hang out with racists. We are aligned in so many ways, yet there is almost no melanin in their circles of influence.

Blindspots are funny because they’re spots you can’t see, even when you’re trying. White people in 2025 have blindspots when it comes to the benefits of Black friendship. We’re awesome. Resilient. Funny and hard working.

And we’re hurt. Deeply. I was laughing the other day because I have all the signs of depression: difficulty focusing, intermittent bouts of despair, loss of interest in fun things, fatigue. Yet I know I’m not depressed; just deeply disappointed. And Black folx have nothing left in the tank to initiate friendships at this point. We are tired.

We need white people to step up and befriend us.

How?

To have a friend you need to be a friend.

Today’s DEFENSE MECHANISM TEACHING POINT:

Altruism– a MATURE defensive mechanism characterized by alleviating negative feelings via unsolicited generosity.

White people, you know what Black folks have been through: I’m not going to explain it. And for the 92% of Black women in this country, they are through. So go and be generous. Fund Black entrepreneurs. Frequent Black businesses. Give them loans (with good terms.) Be patient when their kids are getting krunk. Acknowledge your guilt and shame about the state of this nation and give, give, give.

What are you going to DO with this information?

1. For 28 days, you know a Black person so call them and take them out– don’t go to Chili’s or Arbys (seriously, who eats there?!?!) Pick someplace that locally owned joint even if it’s not a Black owned business and show your Black friend a good time. Pay for everything. Go dancing and let them teach you even if you look foolish. Go workout and provide them a guest pass. Praise their ideas, appoint them to roles. And let them vent: no need to problem solve or feel bad. Just validate. Nod. Listen.

2. For 28 days, look inward – if you’re reading this, you’re probably not racist. So breathe and know that you can build on that. :D Speak up when you feel conversations with fellow white people veer into race when Black people aren’t there. Know that we’re always watching and that yes, your little bit can make a huge difference.

3. For 28 days, share it and show it - if your pictures, posts, and videos don’t have at least 20% Black people in them, don’t post. In other words, if there are 5 people in the picture, one of them needs to be Black (or Brown). And when you see Black posts (created or highlighted), like them, share them, congratulate them. Act like here are no other white people that need boosting for the next 28 days.

Today’s main idea: be intentional in your relationships with Black people.

I’m not YOUR psychiatrist,
but I am your Psychiatrist General :D

Everyone needs a therapist. If you need a psychiatrist (medication +/- therapy), I can help you find one. Call 988. Reach out to someone if you feel lost, depressed, or have thoughts of harm to self or others. It will get better. (Nothing I write or say on this site constitutes medical advice so seriously, reach out to your local resources if you need it.)

I’ll keep most stuff free and open but for the really fun stuff, make sure to subscribe:

1. Free – generally general content that promotes wellness, frankness and fun.

2. Paid – content that calls you to actions that promote security, safety, and collaboration. We won’t get through this alone.

Psychiatrist General Soundtrack

Black music, white music, all music is good! While the song below changes each post, you can click through to the running (and growing) Spotify playlist.

“Milk & Cereal” by G Love and Special Sauce: These white dudes can sing. I first encountered the song (like my 44 year olds) watching the early internet with the two white dudes who were meme’ing before video shorts were a thing. I love hip/hop and R&B and will dance to damn near anything. These guys took the mundane, added a beat, and some Philly-high type harmonies. The breakdown is awesome and the repetition is as sweet as the cereal they sing about.